Today’s Topic: Be Concise
Sentence: The results show women WHO ARE TRAINED in leadership are not proportional to men in the same position.
Edited Sentence: The results show women TRAINED in leadership are not proportional to men in the same position.
Explanation: Conciseness in writing occurs when a writer expresses thoughts comprehensively without excessive word use.
In the sample sentence above, the pronoun “who” is used to reiterate the noun “women” rather than replace it. While adding a pronoun sometimes clarifies the ideas expressed in a sentence, in the sentence above, the pronoun does not. In fact, the use of the pronoun adds a word since it requires the helping verb “are” be added to the main verb “trained.”
By eliminating the pronoun “who,” the sentence becomes less wordy. When editing scholarly documents, ensure to delete pronoun use that does add clarity or meaning to the ideas expressed in your sentences.
Until next week, Happy Writing!!!
Dr. V Writing Coach-Editor-Speaker Author of I'm Not a Writer...I am Just in Graduate School (order your copy at https://www.amazon.com/Not-Writer-Just-Graduate-School/dp/1533392919)