Thinking about Quitting Graduate School? Revisit Your Why First!

I vividly recall the first time thoughts of quitting entered my mind in graduate school. I was in my first semester of doctoral study. I was excited about a presentation I had prepared for a seminar class. Halfway through my presentation, the professor cut me off to provide his interpretation of the work.

I was stunned. We were approximately halfway through the semester, and he hadn’t interrupted anyone else while presenting. I walked to my seat a bit baffled and sat down, trying to remain composed and attentive. But, I felt completely deflated.

That night at home, tears welled in my eyes as I mentally rehearsed class that day. In all my time as a student, I had never felt so embarrassed in the classroom. I was a good student. I was diligent. I earned mostly As throughout my undergraduate and Master’s programs. I was awarded a fellowship for my PhD program. I had stellar recommendation letters from faculty members.

With that one incident, so many questions flooded my mind:

• What did I do wrong?

• Could I expect to be continually humiliated in graduate school?

• Did I belong?

• Was I smart enough?

• Could I do the work?

  
  

I returned to class the next week and the next week. In fact, I ended up getting an A in the class, and I enrolled for classes the following semester as well as the next year. But, I was regularly tempted to quit based on my experiences.

I don’t remember all of them, but a few stick out:

• Being told months after taking my comp exams that I “may” need to redo one

• Having my dissertation topic changed several times over nearly a year by my chair

• Losing two dissertation committee members unexpectedly (one died and the other left the university)

• Learning my second dissertation chair was leaving the university by being asked to teach her class

• Being a student so long that my fellowship ended

  
  

Your reasons for wanting to quit graduate school may differ from mine, but the underlying feelings are the same. You probably are feeling:

• Overwhelmed

• Disgruntled

• Powerless

• Isolated

• Exhausted

• Stifled

• Lost

• Confused

• Hopeless

• Defeated

  
  

Though we boast about being logic-driven in academia, the truth is our emotional state greatly affects our academic productivity.

Once I was tempted to quit regularly, I wasn’t motivated to write, read and learn. And, I have always enjoyed writing, reading and learning.

So, if you’re thinking, I don’t want to do this anymore, I encourage you to pause and reflect.

Reconsider Your Why

Wanting to quit graduate school doesn’t automatically mean you should quit. And, it doesn’t mean you should stay.

Every single time I was tempted to quit, I revisited my why:

• Why did I begin this journey?

• Why am I sacrificing time from family, loved ones, dating and hobbies?

• Why am I foregoing the workforce and living off a university stipend?

So, I ask you to think about your why.

• Why did you start the program?

• Why are you obtaining this degree?

• Why is your research important?

  
  

My why was simple: purpose. I knew God wanted me to get a PhD. I was satisfied with a Master’s degree, but God had other plans for me.

Your answer may not be spiritual. You may be setting an example for your children or other family members. You may have always desired a certain degree, so it’s a life goal to achieve. You may need the academic credentials to pursue the career path you want or increase your salary. You may be a lifelong learner. You may need the degree for a second career in a different field.

Whatever your why is, write it down!

Is Your Why Big Enough to Sustain You?

Once you reconnect with your why, you should then ask, Is my why still big enough?

Is your why big enough to press through the demands, the pressure, the long nights, the urgent deadlines, the revisions, the harsh feedback, the embarrassment, the negative emotions, the self-doubt, the stalled progress, the stress, the work-life imbalance?

My why, to fulfill God’s purpose for my life, was always big enough to sustain me through fatigue, emotional turmoil and discouragement. Though my purpose was always big enough, I didn’t anticipate the delays, the detours and the difficulties.

I realized that the longer I was in school, the more I was invested in finishing and the more difficult it was for me to quit. My why grew larger each year. I felt if I was going to quit, I should have done it early on. After 4, 5, 6 and 7 years, I had to finish.

So, ask yourself, If the current obstacle were removed, would I still want this goal?

Determine if Your Why is Still Worth the Cost

One day, I received a call from a colleague who said she was contemplating leaving the program. Normally, I would immediately start to dissuade someone against quitting anything they started. But, I held my tongue and listened. The person had become a friend I grew to know well through the program, and I knew she wouldn’t be contemplating this decision due to a frustrating moment or unexpected setback.

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As she talked, I clearly heard her reasons. Her priorities had changed. Her goals had shifted, professionally and personally. She had learned more about herself. She had new family commitments and wanted her time back. Her research didn’t excite her the way it used to be; she had other passions. A semester later she left the program and, years later, is completely fulfilled with her life.

Likewise, I’ve talked with faculty members who realized their motivation for getting a PhD were never to do research. Still, they got caught up into the world of research and pursued academic publications as tenure-track faculty at Research 1 universities. They found themselves in a department and at a university with which they weren’t aligned. Though successful, they were ready to pivot to the work they always wanted to do; they were returning to their why!

Most people in academia experience research not progressing according to an established timeline, collaborative work gone awry, unexpected family, health or financial issues, a difficult colleague, a rough week or semester or any number of academic challenges that seem, but are not, permanent.

These situations are temporary situations and differ from fundamental shifts. However, realize that:

• People change

• Priorities change

• Careers change

• Families change

• Circumstances change

  
  

The reason(s) that made graduate school worth the sacrifices may or may not still be important to you. When you ask the right questions, you can recognize fundamental changes in you and your life.

Maybe Something Needs to Change

Sometimes, I want to quit truly means, I can’t keep doing things the same way.

For me, gaining academic mentorship to help me navigate the hurdles and setbacks were crucial to my success. I was going about seeking help in a way that I thought was right, but it wasn’t effective. Thankfully, God placed someone in my path that I call my “Super Mentor” because she single-handedly provided needed guidance in so many areas to properly navigate the academic land mines I faced. She prevented me from destroying relationships. In fact, she helped me to build strategic alliances among top administrators.

I didn’t know what I didn’t know about higher education culture, but she was an insider. As a seasoned PhD, she understood the policies, stated and unstated, spoken and hidden.

She could read into conversations I shared with her. Also, she opened her network to me, and I gained scholarly community because I felt like a lone wolf in my department.

The example and support of my Super Mentor guides the professional work I do today as a writing coach, editor and dissertation coach. I help people strategize and identify the nebulous clues they’re given. I discuss the hidden curriculum of higher education.  

Sometimes, you simply need to negotiate, build alliances, establish boundaries, change writing/research routines or build healthy academic practices. Other times, you need academic support, community, encouragement or a listening ear, but from someone well-versed in academic culture.

Your Ultimate Decision

Reconsidering your why and its value isn’t an exercise designed to convince you to stay at all costs. Academia represents one aspect of who you are, so factor in all the other aspects of your life.

Sometimes, like me, revising your why will strengthen your commitment to graduate school. Other times, it will reveal the importance of the goal but show you that you need new strategies and guidance. Sometimes, like in the case of my friend and others, you may conclude that your priorities have genuinely changed, and graduate school no longer fits in your world. 

Regardless, the decision of whether to quit graduate school or not deserves thoughtful consideration rather than being driven solely by a particularly difficult day or unproductive period that you either try to pummel through or conclude that academia is not for you.

Instead, revisit your why!